we miss you

Yesterday we had to say goodbye to our sweet old man Bailey.  He's been off for awhile and Saturday we took him to the vet for what we thought were adverse side effects to these meds he was on.  She gave him until Sunday to perk up with some new meds and when he didn't, we brought him back for bloodwork which revealed that his pancreas was failing.  One of his pancreatic enzymes, which is supposed to be at 1800, was over 6000 and was so high it didn't even register on their test.  The vet said she had never come across a level that high.  We learned that anything having to do with the pancreas happens so, so suddenly and is extremely painful and in a dog Bailey's age, is mostly irreparable.  He was clearly in pain as he hadn't been able to sleep in about 2 days, wasn't eating and was vomitting.  We opted to let him go before he got any worse, rather than subject him to nights alone in the hospital that likely would only have bought him a few days.  It was the hardest thing we've ever done. 

Not that I wanted him to be sicker, but it would have been easier to do if he'd been immobile or unconscious but he wasn't.  He was wagging his tail and seemed happy.  Right before we left for the vet we took him for a little walk and he trotted ahead of us with his leash in his mouth like he did everyday before that.  We almost wouldn't believe he was dying.  Even Sunday, we took him to the lake for a big swim and he played around like he always did.  A dog will keep going just for you though, and we so desperately wanted to believe this was something he would snap out of.  

For those of you who don't know the story of the amazing Bailey, here it is.  We adopted him from the pound when he was already 9 years old.  From the second we took the leash, he was our dog and the best dog we ever could have hoped for.  He slept on our bed the first night home with us and it seemed there was zero period of adjustment.
 To this day, I'm in disbelief that anyone could have ever given him up.  If they were looking for something else in a dog, I question their knowledge of just about anything.  I've had a lot of great dogs in my life and everyone always says their dog is the best dog, but there truly was something unique about Bailey.  He had a temperment and a personality that I doubt we'll ever find again.  He was incredibly laid-back and easy going, hilariously goofy, sweet, crazy crazy smart and one of those dogs you never think you'd be lucky enough to have.  We always talked about getting a puppy while we still had Bailey so that he could teach the puppy all his good habits -- we have no idea how to teach a dog to be like Bailey was.  We think it was just a one in a million kind of personality.  

I feel horribly cheated that someone, who was only going to give him up, had this amazing dog for 9 years and we only got to have him for a little over a year and a half.

Bailey loved everyone and everyone loved Bailey.  He won over even the harshest "no dog" people. When we went for walks and passed dogs on the sidewalk, he didn't even give them a second look and instead, went right for the owner for a pet on the head and then carried on his way.  He never barked when someone came to the door, only casually walked over tail wagging.  We left him untied in the yard and he only wandered away if someone happened to walk by -- he would trot over for a pet and then walk back to the yard.  He never barked at strangers and just thought everyone wanted to pet him and he was usually right.

He was a bit like the neighbourhood dog too.  He had friends up and down our street that always greeted him like he was their dog.  The old lady across the street told us often how happy it made her to look out her window and see Bailey lying in the yard watching the world go by, never venturing past our curb.  My parents live on the same street as us and if you asked him if he wanted to go to gramma's he would lead you straight there, right up to their door.

He was in our wedding party and I cherish our photos even more know.  We got him all gussied up and he laid in the grass watching us say our vows.

I'm so happy he got to have a swim the day before died.  It was his most favourite thing in the world and was hilariously funny to watch.  He'd launch himself into the water and then set immediately to "work."  He would crouch down in the water with his rear end up in the air and gather up rocks and stones with his feet while inching back towards the shore.  We're not sure what he was doing, but it was like he had a job.  He would put his whole head in the water, blow bubbles and come up and start gathering rocks again.  If we let him, he would do that all day and we often had to drag him away.  It was so funny to watch and anyone who passed by would often stop and laugh.  Bailey missed the camp we rented for the summer by 2 weeks, he would have been so happy there.

Anytime we went for a walk we always brought his leash, not so we could clip it on him, but rather so he could carry it neatly folded in his mouth, something he insisted on doing.  Little children found this delightful and everytime we walked him past the school by our house there would be cries of "Look it's that dog who walks himself!" from the little ones.

He loved to be vacuumed and if you were vacuuming the house for too long without his turn he would stand immediately next to you as you tried to work as if to say "Now me! Now me!"  He did the same thing with the hose outside.  His best trick was his "whisper."  If you asked him to whisper he'd bark quietly without opening his mouth, making this adorable "mffff" sound while puffing out his cheeks.  He truly lived up to his "retriever" breed and often we'd be watching TV, he would get up from a sleep, walk into the entryway and casually walk back into the room with a mitten or a sock,  and get into his bed with it and go back to sleep.

It was like sharing the house with a really old teddy bear -- his neck was made for burying your face in and the bridge of his honey snout was a perfect fit for my forehead.  Marc is a busy guy and Bailey was my company when he wasn't around.  We spent many a night laying on the floor, playing with his sheep and basically me hassling him when he was trying to sleep.  I don't know what I'm going to do without his furry face around to keep me company.

The house feels so empty now as he brought so much life to our old, creaky home.  Everywhere I look I expect to see him doing something funny or sleeping in the sun.  I can't look out into the yard without seeing him napping under our tree or on the walkway, waiting for someone to walk by.  I'm so happy we were able to give him such a good home while we could and will be forever thankful he was our dog for a time. We're both in a haze today, unsure of what to do and unable to remember what we did with our day before we had him.  That silly dog was our whole world.  People have been calling all day saying how amazed they were that he was such a great dog and just so happy all the time, how he had such a big personality without being overbearing.  People who only met him a few times crying over the news.  He will be missed by so many people.  My brain keeps playing these movies of Bailey over and over in my head and I've cried so much I don't know if I have anything left in me.  I miss his so much I don't feel like it will ever go away.  Never will there be another Bailey.

This is the first picture we took of him the day we brought him home. As you can see, he's more than a bit at home.


This is the last photo I took of him on Saturday night -- a scene I lived daily. His little face peeking over the kitchen island while I cooked. He was still doing it on Saturday even though he was too sick to eat anything.

Our hearts are truly broken.